I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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