Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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