nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
