thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
