Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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