Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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