a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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