go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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