I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
