I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
