a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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