Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
