Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
