I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
