The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
