Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry duhduhwhtrvrt hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(917): View more from New York City

i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.

(917): View more from New York City

me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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(209): View more from California

Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)

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(226): View more from Ontario

Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.

(1-226): View more from Ontario

I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"

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