okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
