Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
