i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
