I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
