I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
