if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
