Where is the hickey?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
