Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
