that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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