What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
