Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
