My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
