i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
