Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
