dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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