What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize