I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
