3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this just has baby written all over it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
