I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize