and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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