a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
