It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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