Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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