He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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