there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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