whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
