Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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