Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
