I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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