dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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