Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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