i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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