ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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