I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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