he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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