It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize