just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
