You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
