you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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