My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
