I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
