he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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