May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
