the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
