My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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