insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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