Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
