She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
