honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
