I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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