apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
