You just made me feel so damn special
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
